You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
