Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
