So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
