Swine flu. Run for my life!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
