is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
