i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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