People with herpes should wear stickers.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
