It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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