I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
