Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
