and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
