Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
