He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
