Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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