She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
