K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
