Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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