If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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