yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
