so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
