you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
