yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Your cock deserves a montage
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
