Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
