So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
