I didn't shave. On purpose
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
