ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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