We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
someone owes me an orgasm
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
