OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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