Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
