So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
