did you get engaged???
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
