i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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