just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
