Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
