question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
