Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
