The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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