I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Randomize
