i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
