Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Houston, we have a squirter
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
