He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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