Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
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I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
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The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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