roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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