the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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