I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
