Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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