one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
