i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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