Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
