Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
