just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
