Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
