Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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