party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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