Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
what day is it and did you see me today?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
