My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
