My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Come share oat with me in your robe
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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