I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I cut my penus on the lid.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just found puke in my bra..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
