just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
