i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We don't watch enough power rangers
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
