I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
