I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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